A Peer's Perception

I guess my essay reads as trying to be entirely persuasive, which it is not. Also, the tone of my essay is not supposed to be very academic sounding, so I do not wish to omit my personal tone. My reader was a little confused about what I was referring to about certain aspects of Catholicism, but my audience would understand. She was also a bit confused about the time frames and event happenings. Since it has been brought to my attention, I may try to clear it up, but to me it's not confusing. My critic gave me some good little tips about using different terms instead of "kids" all the time, and about making sure my tenses are uniform. She warns me not to generalize the students, and not to criticize my audience at the end, but that was a risk factor in my essay. Also, I'm really not trying to criticize the parents; it's just for a little humorous effect. I mean, the topic is dull enough as it is.