A Peer's Perception

I guess my essay reads as trying to be entirely persuasive, which it is not. Also, the tone of my essay is not supposed to be very academic sounding, so I do not wish to omit my personal tone. My reader was a little confused about what I was referring to about certain aspects of Catholicism, but my audience would understand. She was also a bit confused about the time frames and event happenings. Since it has been brought to my attention, I may try to clear it up, but to me it's not confusing. My critic gave me some good little tips about using different terms instead of "kids" all the time, and about making sure my tenses are uniform. She warns me not to generalize the students, and not to criticize my audience at the end, but that was a risk factor in my essay. Also, I'm really not trying to criticize the parents; it's just for a little humorous effect. I mean, the topic is dull enough as it is.

Another Workshop

My group and I were very productive on Friday during our workshops. We each read our opening and closing paragraphs and then we all read each others, and we gave feedback on what was good and what needed improvement in our the essays. We discussed and even questioned the audiences and the broader messages of the essays. We also made corrections on each other's papers. I found it to be a very constructive workshop.

A Good Essay

Good essays are not always so formal in language, and they are not restricted to a specific format (five paragraph essays can be very boring). They should be personal yet factual and believable. They should reflect the author's identity and process of discovery. Essays should not necessarily be biased, but should make the reader think about something from every angle. There are so many kinds of essays, that some almost sound like poems or short stories. Essayists should take some risks when composing pieces - it makes essays way more interesting and attention grabbing.

My essay, according to the writers, should maybe reflect more of my own opinions. I'm not sure if my essay really calls for that though. Also, I personally feel (backed up by the writers) that I should liven up my essay, because it seems a bit dull and fluffy to me now. I should take a risk and really get my audience's attention. I wish I could find someone (for sure) from Newman who only participates for the fraternizing. Now that would be interesting.

An Opening

I was working on the opening paragraph of my essay, and I made an attempt to make it interesting, but I feel that it is overall boring and weird. I think I'm not quite sure how I should capture my audience in the best way possible. Maybe I need to get a feel for where my essay is going first, and then come back to the opening.

A Commenting on Comments

I think the comments are quite helpful (thanks!). It's amusing that someone did practically the same research with the same question last semester, and now there's something to compare mine to; that can be a scary thing. This former student must have witnessed the same attitudes and was affected the same way I was by the members of this community. I think I understand the "purpose" of the abstract now, and I'll work on that. Yes! my Research section does seem like an essay, especially now that it's been pointed out to me. I feel like I do not have anything to write about for my essay now since I did my research proposal like this. I need to tweak the format of my research proposal; I should maybe actually use some bulleted lists. I will definitely work on my Methods section by separating it, and by making it more specific. I'm glad I have been told to use phrases other than "I must" all the time. It does sound strange, like it's a speech or something. Oh, and asking for a psychology grad student is such a good idea!! It definitely makes more sense.

A Few Questions on Page 99

What's your project?   I wish to convey the motivation and fervor with which Catholic college students are involved in their Catholic community on campus.

What works?   My draft is probably a bit grammatically incorrect, so I could work on that, and I could maybe make my proposal more clear, if need be.

What else might be said?   I may want to interview students who are part of this community, so then I would definitely want to include input from those interviews.

What's next?   What I have to say implies that there are Catholic college students out there who actually participate in their faith - they may be driven by their faith or just by the people with whom they wish to socialize.

An Essay

 These are "essays" because they are more personal (first person is used) and are not very research-oriented; they definitely are not boring research papers. These essays seem a bit biased at some points, too (which is not characteristic of a research paper). This can be seen in "The Stunt Pilot," as the narrator goes on and on about how Dave Rahm was such a great pilot. There is even some dialogue, as seen in "Ali in Havana." The essays use descriptive and musical language; for example the narrator of "The Stunt Pilot" says, "Our shaking, swooping belly seemed to graze the snow" in reference to an eventful flight. We can see how the author has used some alliteration here. These essays remind me of short stories. They are interesting, and generally keep the reader's attention (if the reader is interested in the first place). It is key that the author grab the reader's attention; if a person is interested in the topic, that person will at least stay interested if it's a gripping essay.

A Workshop

In our workshop groups on Friday, we all read the first segment of our proposals out loud, and we generally looked around at each other and nodded in approval. Although, sometimes we had questions concerning the clarity of our proposals. We gave each other feedback concerning things from the use of lit reviews to first person. Next time, we should all have multiple copies of our work so that we can all critique one group member's piece at a time; the piece will get many eyes and full attention this way.

A Struggle

When I was writing my research proposal, I tried to regulate my comma usage. I would think to myself something along the lines of  "Do I really need this comma? Is their another way I can rephrase this without the comma? Can I live without this comma?!" I am really trying to reach at least one of my goals. As for the library...I'm working on that as well.